The “One Month Stay Truth School” ended successfully on Marth 12th, 2016. On March 11th, each participant had time to reflect on him/herself during the month in the finale of the program, titled “Living with Spiritual Abundance.” Shu-kun, one of the participants, started to share his reflection as follows.
Shu-kun:
I was staying as a helper here at Konohana Family before I participated in the Truth School. However, my stay during the Truth School was totally different from that of a helper. My mental tendencies have appeared a lot in front of other participants who stay with me here, and I have realized how much I have affected everyone by bringing about a terrible situation. I came to understand that I have caused disharmony in this manner. I knew myself to a certain level, reflecting on myself in my journal, but I finally came to realize I was trapped in myself from the first place. I am thinking how to live from now on, and I need to face myself carefully. There are so many things I care about, and I think it is all right to worry about something important. However, I have worries that I do not like based on my narrow worldview. Therefore, I am going to leave such a stage, broaden my worldview, and improve my spirituality humbly and honestly. Now I have realized I was really arrogant. So, I have decided to express my real self, and I feel a little easy.
Isadon (the founder of Konohana Family, and the facilitator of this program):
I have a question. You have expressed your mental tendencies as the way they are. In a sense, you have expressed your real self.
Shu-kun:
Yes.
Isasdon:
Then, you have reflected on that.
Shu-kun:
Yes.
Isadon:
After you reflected on that, you have come to a conclusion that you are going to express your real self from now on, too.
Shu-kun:
Express my real self….it means to accept my real self and try to control it.
Isadon:
Let me say that again. After all, what you have done is you have expressed your tendencies without knowing them well, and learned that expressing your real self has affected the whole so greatly. As a result, you said you have reached a conclusion to continue to express your real self. I am not saying this is contradictory. What is the difference between expressing the real self in the beginning and after your reflection and learning?
What is a difference between the real self that has caused problems and the one that you are going to express from now on, after learning?
Mika-chan:
We talked about it during lunch time the other day. Many people are mixed up between expressing the real self as their individual tendencies and with objective viewpoints. So, is it always good to express our honesty? If we express our honesty, is it all right?
Shu-kun:
Yes, now I remember! But, how can I explain….
Isadon:
Both are expressing the real self. This is a very important point. Looking at the current society, everyone expresses his/her real self in a sense. As a result, the society has reached a current situation and a dead end. However, I think we can solve this issue by living honestly as we are. Therefore, we need to understand the difference between expressing his honesty in the past and after his learning. When we can understand, “we should express our real self in this manner!” then we will be able to shift to the next stage firmly. Everyone, let’s think about this together!
Yoshi-yan:
I wonder if both exist at the same time. Both the selves we like and do not like exist together.
Isadon:
I know what you mean, but many people tend to consider the self they like based on their own standard. This is the key. Although you honestly express the self you feel comfortable with, it does not mean it could be good for other people. It could be exactly for your own self-satisfaction.
Tae-chan:
So then we need to observe ourselves with objective viewpoints, understand the whole situation, and express ourselves.
Isadon:
It is an ultimate goal. Observing ourselves in a bigger frame including ourselves, understanding the whole and expressing ourselves is an ultimate goal. What I am asking you here is first, when Shu-kun expressed his real self, he brought disharmony. In this meaning, his real self was a problem. However, after he learned that, he reached a conclusion that it is still important for him to express his real self. I think he is right. So, what is the difference between his real self that brought disharmony in the past and his real self that he can interpret positively?
Tae-chan:
His emotions accompanied his real self in the beginning, so he did not control his emotions.
Isadon:
What did it bring to the whole?
Nobu-kun:
Shu-kun’s emotional pain.
Isadon:
What did he bring to the whole, but not to him?
Nobu-kun:
He bought disharmony to the whole, felt a pain and learned from there.
Isadon:
Do you mean he learned?
Nobu-kun:
Yes.
Isadon:
If so, how about the other people?
Nobu-kun:
The other people learned and so did he.
Isadon:
When he did not control his emotions, and both he and the other people could learn from it, it cannot be bad. However, the learning here becomes a lesson as a bad example. Then, Shu-kun said he should continue to express his real self to transcend the lesson. I agree with him. So, what is the difference before and after his reflection? Expressing the real self which disturbs the whole, and expressing the real self after his reflection, are totally different. Don’ you think?
Shu-kun:
I know sensuously….
Isadon:
But, you cannot explain with words.
Shu-kun:
Yes.
Isadon:
You have two experiences of expressing your real self before and after your learning. Why don’t you describe the difference in your senses?
Shu-kun:
It was very painful before! When I expressed my emotions a lot, I felt a big distance from everyone. Then, my pain became bigger and bigger and I wanted to be alone. After that, I thought, “This is not good!” and then I changed my attitude.
Isadon:
You did not mean to confuse the whole at that time?
Shu-kun:
Not at all.
Isadon:
What was your purpose to express your emotions as they were?
Shu-kun:
….I do not think I had a specific purpose….
Isadon:
Did you just say what you wanted to say? I do know why you did it.
Tae-chan:
When Shu-kun expressed his emotions without controlling them, I felt his feeling like, “I am doing so hard, but why does nobody understand me!”
Isadon:
It is a great perspective! His mind was just like that. What did he have behind such thoughts?
Yoshi-yan:
Self-hate?
Isadon:
Really?
Nao-chan:
He wanted to be accepted.
Isadon:
Is that so??
Tae-chan
He wanted everyone to do as he said?
Isadon:
Then, why did everyone have to do as he said? What would he seek if everyone does it?
Tae-chan:
His success??
Isadon:
Does he seek his own success here? What do YOU think, Shu-kun? At least, the answer is inside of you! If it does not come out from you, you do not recognize your emotions that come out inside of you, and express these as they are. However, you had a specific will as the base of your emotions. It would be helpful if you can confirm what your will was.
It does not seem like it comes out soon, so I am going to guide you a little bit. You expressed your thoughts very strongly in the beginning. After you expressed your real self, you have recognized you confused everyone.
Shu-kun:
Yes.
Isadon:
However, did you mean to confuse them?
Nobu-kun:
I think he had such an intention to want to confuse us.
Isadon:
Did he really have such an intention?? Was it his will? Don’t you project your emotions on him?
Nobu-kun:
Of course, I do. I can understand him only with my subjective viewpoint, so that is why I am saying this.
Isadon:
In fact, it would be better if you can graduate from such a stage. Now, it is important to stay with Shu-kun and think together here. Therefore, Nobu-kun’s theme is to transcend your own viewpoint. You have a tendency like when people have something in common with you, you feel relieved. Then, your emotions function more strongly. However, we need to reflect on Shu-kun’s emotions without projecting our own emotions now.
Nobu-kun:
How can we do it?
Isadon:
We can ask the person concerned. It is significant to ask Shu-kun directly, instead of making a judgment based on your viewpoint.
Nobu-kun
But, there must be a feeling that even the person concerned has not recognized yet.
Isadon:
That is why, guiding and analyzing him becomes staying with him. Right now, we are trying to understand his emotions. Therefore, if you overlap your emotions, you will not be able to see the truth.
Let me facilitate this space again. Shu-kun expressed his real self with a strong will in the beginning. Then, the place became chaotic. Looking at the chaotic situation, he realized that when he expressed his real self, he could bring chaos to the space. Also, this was not a good impression for him, so he became discouraged. However, did he mean to bring chaos to this place? What kind of intention did he have? Actually, I am asking Shu-kun, but he cannot get an answer, so let’s search for it together.
Ryoko-chan:
He wants to get connected with everyone.
Isadon:
Shu-kun, you want to get connected with everyone, don’t you?
Shu-kun:
Yes.
Isadon:
What is your purpose to get connected with everyone?
Shu-kun:
I want to create a better world!
Isadon:
Exactly! Shu-kun wanted to create a better place here. He felt this place was not set well from his viewpoint, so he wanted to make it better and get connected with everyone. Then, he took action. Was this bad?
Shu-kun:
It was not bad.
Isadon:
However, only bad impressions were left inside of you, weren’t they?
Shu-kun:
That is right. I received some feedback from other people like I was irritated and angry at that time.
Isadon:
Your original intention toward everyone was goodwill. Then, did everyone give you such feedbacks with malice?
Shu-kun:
It was not malice at all.
Isadon:
Shu-kun expressed his real self to improve the whole, but as a result, this place became chaotic. Then, everyone expressed their real self to improve it, too. I am facilitating this place now. Shu-kun expressed his real self with goodwill, and so did everyone else. However, what happened here in the beginning? Disharmony. Although everyone expressed their real self with goodwill, disharmony was created! Therefore, what should we see here? What should we see to create a harmonious world together?
It seems like you are taking an exam, isn’t it?
Kazue-chan:
We should see the “objective background” which is something behind his expression.
Isadon:
Hahaha. You used a high-level term that you have learned during the Truth School!
Kazue-chan:
I wanted to see the real intention behind his words.
Isadon:
If so, what will come into sight when we see Shu-kun’s, and everyone else’s, real intention?
Tae-chan:
The mind that wants to be in harmony with everyone.
Isadon:
Absolutely!! There is only goodwill to want to be in harmony with everyone. When we just see it, a place with goodwill will always emerge. However, unless all of you come to see the goodwill behind it, such a harmonious place with goodwill will not appear.
Well, we have reached the most important point! Thanks to Shu-kun’s reflection of getting emotional during the Truth School, we have reached a very important stage now. At least, the disharmony brought by him stemmed from his goodwill. Moreover, it is with goodwill that everyone else tried to improve the disharmony. However, as a result, a disharmonious place was created. Then, when we saw everyone’s original intention, all was goodwill. If there is only goodwill, a problem should not occur. Don’t you think?
Yoshi-yan:
People feel his goodwill is pushy? It is goodwill, but goodwill with malice? I do not know!
Isadon:
Is there goodwill with malice??
Yoshi-yan:
Even if it is goodwill, some can feel it is pushy, feel uncomfortable and get emotional, too.
Isadon:
It is a theory for receivers. When people receive it negatively, they feel like “your goodwill is mixed with malice!” However, when the original intention is goodwill, there is only goodwill. Nevertheless, why was disharmony created there? Let’s think about it together.
Toomasu:
What comes to me is an image. It is like here, we are in a circle. We are all holding a string to make like a web. We all have our intentions. But, when we interpret the intentions, we put vibration into the environment. And then, everyone else begins to interpret. So, maybe we think, “It is not supposed to be this way. We try to change it.” Only once we can be settled in ourselves and have a firm intention, then that can begin to reflect the environment. So, when we are set in ourselves, we are the pillar. We also can be the pillar for others. So, when we do not waver, we do not have to change the situation. We just need to be firm with our intention. And then, we can see harmony the way it is here.
Isadon:
Toomasu just told us the final conclusion! He talked about the 10th stage, which is the final conclusion. However, we are still at stage 2 or 3, and moving forward from here. Therefore, many parts are still missing in between so, we need to fill them.
Tae-chan:
When Shu-kun expressed his real self with goodwill and emotions, he did not think how everyone would feel about it.
Isadon:
In other words, he expressed his real self to create a better place, but he did not think of other people due to his strong thoughts. But, the important thing here is it is with his goodwill that he did it for this place. Then, even though it was goodwill, a seed of disharmony was sown here.
Kazue-chan:
Does it mean he was not considerate to everyone?
Isadon:
We can say that, too. Or, how was his attitude toward other people?
Tae-chan:
He was self-centered.
Isadon:
That is right.
Toomasu:
Through my experience with Shu-kun, I felt his sincerity. When we did the practice for the birthday party or the final party, or in our bedroom, or in the bathroom, I felt like you really wanted to share something positive. I also felt like it was kind of unsettled. So, you put it out there, but then you are not sure how it is going to be received and trying to make the corrections before you even know how the person feels. What I feel is “Oh, thank you!” but then, you do not know that I feel positive. I know we do not speak the same language, but I would like to say like “Yeah! It is good!” Just like in the bathroom. I felt like “Wow! I did not know that. Thank you for telling me!” But then, I also recognized you were upset with me. Or maybe, upset with yourself. So, even though what you started with was really helpful, it did not sit well. But, I could tell that you had a positive intention. So, when we talked about it, I could see what you meant. That is how together we could close the gap.
Isadon:
Toomasu came down from the top and talked with a level of language that we can understand!
Toomasu:
Yes! Now we met the 5th stage?
Isadon:
Still, there are many parts missing in between, so we would like close to the gap by the end of this program. Let me summarize the situation. Shu-kun was so eager to create a better place here that he expressed his honest self. His original intention was goodwill. However, he expressed his real self in a self-centered way, so everyone else could not accept that and this place became chaotic. Then, they expressed their goodwill in order to correct the chaos and improve the whole place. They might have thought Shu-kun was a troublemaker. That is why, they might have expressed their goodwill to make this place and Shu-kun healthy.
And now, Toomasu shared that Shu-kun is sincere and has a positive intention. However, as a matter of fact, chaos was brought here. Therefore, observing the chaos, he reflected on what he brought, and became discouraged. Then, after he learned, he came to a conclusion that he still should express his real self.
The real self that brought chaos to the whole was good will. So was his conclusion after reflecting and learning. When we fill this difference, we can put all the steps of the stairs from stages 1 to 10. What do you think??
(To be continued to the part II)